Original Flavored Chapstick

It dawned on me today as I was sitting at work, applying a layer of Chapstick Original; there is a deep-seated reason why I choose this flavor. Its the reason why I choose this flavor of Chapstick, the reason why I keep falling for emotionally unavailable men, the reason why I Diddy Bop to a beat before I even listen to the lyrics of a song, the reason why I have a weak spot for chocolate men.

My dad.

I wish this was going to be a heartfelt post with sweet anecdotes about being a Daddy’s Girl but its not.

Its more about the realization of the impact NOT having him around has had on me. My dads absence wasn’t typical. He was around when I was growing up. He took my sisters and me to school almost every day. He always lived less than 15 minutes away.I spent some weekends, most holidays and every summer at his house. Not with him, at his house. When my sister and I would come for visits, he and his wife were gone most of the day every day. Doing whatever it was they did. Most of the time spent in his care, was with my step siblings or at my grandparents house. The craziest part of it all is that I think he truly did the best he could as a father.

I do not know my dad. I know who he is and what he looks like, but I don’t know him. 

I know my dad likes Chapstick.. The original flavor. He’d apply it right before kissing my sister and I goodbye after our visits.Maybe this is why its my favorite Chapstick…. Its a subtle reminder of the sweet kisses that i wished were more frequent. 

I know my dad is a goofball. I’ve never seen my dad be emotional, he always jokes his way out of something or quickly excuses himself from any situation that seems to be getting too sentimental. Maybe this is the trait of his that I pick up in the men I date. Story has it that some women choose men like their fathers, ya know since he is usually the first impression you have of what a man should be.

My dad loves to play the drums. Drums at church, at nightclubs, cruise ships, wherever, I grew up listening to him drum with his mouth, or on the steering wheel, or the dinner table, hell even his own leg. Maybe this is why the beat gets me before the lyrics do. If the beat is sick, the lyrics can be trash, I’ll still love the song. 

My dad is chocolate. I LOVE dark skinned men. Maybe this has less to do with him and more to do with my mother… she is a sucker for ebony skin, she passed that right on down to me…Or maybe it has everything to do with him. I mean, again if we’re choosing men like our father, that is one thing i do know about him, I know what he looks like.

I don’t think I’ll ever stop using the Chapstick and I know I can’t give up the feeling i get from a dope ass beat, and I know I damn sure won’t stop loving dark skinned men, but today, I vow to leave the emotionally unavailable men where they are. 

I refuse to have a daughter that has to know a flavor of Chapstick, instead of her father, 

 

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HomeSick

It’s coming up on 1 month since I packed my car up and moved from Stillwater, OK. to Hampton VA.
This whole journey has literally been one of my biggest dreams come true. I am so excited about this journey and where I’m headed. I thank The Creator every day for this opportunity, and I thank The Universe for it happening right when it was supposed to.
Even with all this excitement and gratitude I am very homesick. Not homesick like you may think. I didn’t have a steady home in OK when I left, I had family and friends with houses I could crash at but I didn’t have a home to miss. Don’t get me wrong, I miss my family and my friends dearly but thats not what I’m taking about.
I’m talking about him.
_____ is home.
I miss ____.
I’m homesick.
It’s a literal aching inside me.
A longing.
I’m missing a piece.
Home is where the heart is.
_____ is where my heart is.
I’m homesick.

Please.

Send me links to dope music, no matter the genre.

Let me read your favorite book so I can learn more about you.

Write me letters.

Read to me.

Travel with me, even if it’s just an hour outside of town.

Let’s go to a museum, art, history, the choice is yours.

Wake with me and watch the sun rise.

Dance with me.

Sing to me.

Tell me your darkest secrets so that I can replace them with light.

Talk to the Moon with me.

Grow with me in a way that no one can tell us apart.