It dawned on me today as I was sitting at work, applying a layer of Chapstick Original; there is a deep-seated reason why I choose this flavor. Its the reason why I choose this flavor of Chapstick, the reason why I keep falling for emotionally unavailable men, the reason why I Diddy Bop to a beat before I even listen to the lyrics of a song, the reason why I have a weak spot for chocolate men.
I wish this was going to be a heartfelt post with sweet anecdotes about being a Daddy’s Girl but its not.
Its more about the realization of the impact NOT having him around has had on me. My dads absence wasn’t typical. He was around when I was growing up. He took my sisters and me to school almost every day. He always lived less than 15 minutes away.I spent some weekends, most holidays and every summer at his house. Not with him, at his house. When my sister and I would come for visits, he and his wife were gone most of the day every day. Doing whatever it was they did. Most of the time spent in his care, was with my step siblings or at my grandparents house. The craziest part of it all is that I think he truly did the best he could as a father.
I do not know my dad. I know who he is and what he looks like, but I don’t know him.
I know my dad likes Chapstick.. The original flavor. He’d apply it right before kissing my sister and I goodbye after our visits.Maybe this is why its my favorite Chapstick…. Its a subtle reminder of the sweet kisses that i wished were more frequent.
I know my dad is a goofball. I’ve never seen my dad be emotional, he always jokes his way out of something or quickly excuses himself from any situation that seems to be getting too sentimental. Maybe this is the trait of his that I pick up in the men I date. Story has it that some women choose men like their fathers, ya know since he is usually the first impression you have of what a man should be.
My dad loves to play the drums. Drums at church, at nightclubs, cruise ships, wherever, I grew up listening to him drum with his mouth, or on the steering wheel, or the dinner table, hell even his own leg. Maybe this is why the beat gets me before the lyrics do. If the beat is sick, the lyrics can be trash, I’ll still love the song.
My dad is chocolate. I LOVE dark skinned men. Maybe this has less to do with him and more to do with my mother… she is a sucker for ebony skin, she passed that right on down to me…Or maybe it has everything to do with him. I mean, again if we’re choosing men like our father, that is one thing i do know about him, I know what he looks like.
I don’t think I’ll ever stop using the Chapstick and I know I can’t give up the feeling i get from a dope ass beat, and I know I damn sure won’t stop loving dark skinned men, but today, I vow to leave the emotionally unavailable men where they are.
I refuse to have a daughter that has to know a flavor of Chapstick, instead of her father,