On the Fence

I was on the fence about the Women’s March and the whole movement that spurred it because, fake. The unity did not feel authentic. For a second, the whole idea actually made me weep.

I wept for the Black women that were marching. I wept for the women of color and the immigrants that were marching. I wept for the women who despite their marching, voices still won’t be heard. I wept for my ancestors that are watching us cycle through the same patterns that have gotten us very little. I wept because I felt like my people were marching for white rights. I wept because only in America could a group of women vote for a blatant racist, misogynist, homophobe, and then march against his policies when he wins. I’m looking at you, white women. I even wept for the women that voted for him. Those women that are so unconsciously ruled by misogyny and comfortable with their privilege that they voted against their best interests.

It’s not that I don’t believe in the power of women coming together. I do. My God I do. Women coming together will change the world, that is what we do, it’s what we’ve always done.

I was, however, on the fence because the women that marched were not all marching for the same reasons. I was on the fence because I saw so many women of color questioning whether or not they should go to the march. These women, like me, did not question the march because they do not believe in the power of women. They did not question it because they think women don’t deserve equal rights. They, like me, were leery of how welcome we’d be. By “we” I mean women of color. I live about 3 hours away from DC, I could have gone up and attended the march, but I didn’t see the point. I wasn’t in the mood to be temporarily pacified by inauthentic attempts at unification.

I’ve seen several articles about intersectionality and inclusivity in light of the march and these conversations need to be had. These are conversations black women and other women of color have BEEN trying to have and we CONTINUE to be silenced by the very people that need to listen. White Women.

White women need to listen because they need to understand their privilege. Understand that it is a privilege to march and wave signs about pussy grabbing back, and have the country pat you on the back for an arrest free peaceful demonstration. (As if a white woman would ever be tackled to the ground and arrested by police on national television.) Privilege is participating in this march that was created by women of color, with no fear of being unwelcome. Privilege is saying “all lives matter” but not meaning black, brown, immigrant etc. lives. Understand that the women of color that were marching, were marching not only for women’s reproductive rights and rights to autonomy over our bodies but for the right to exist in black or brown skin. Understand that I am still unsure of my place in this space because I’m having a hard time believing you’ll protest with me when it comes to issues that don’t directly affect you. See I don’t get the luxury of choosing to protest for women’s rights and not Black women’s rights. I don’t get to ignore the fact that my people were not considered people at this country’s conception and therefore are at a disadvantage systemically. I don’t get to ignore the fact that most of you openly supported and voted for a man that vows to reinforce the very systems that keep me at that disadvantage. I don’t get to ignore the fact that y’all want equality and we seek equity. I don’t get to ignore the fact that when people that look like me gather to have our voices heard it is no longer a demonstration, but a riot, no matter how peaceful.

So, let’s be real, my existence is a protest. Everything I do as an unapologetically Black, Black woman, is a form of protest. I can not pick and choose.

I am my ancestors wildest dreams incarnate.

“So, what are you saying?”

What I’m saying is this. There is no women’s movement without black women. I repeat, THERE IS NO WOMEN’S MOVEMENT WITHOUT BLACK WOMEN.

Find a more resourceful, resilient, do what it takes even when what it takes is unclear, woman. I dare you. You need us. So if you want this movement to really effect any change in the world, rally with us. I mean really be with us, no more colorblind bullshit. I want you to see me and acknowledge my black ass. Do not make yourself more comfortable with me by telling me I “talk white” or I’m not a “real” black girl. It’s the micro-aggressions, the refusal to even feign empathy when a black man woman or child is brutalized (but let a dog get shot).

I can only speak for myself, but I am done uniting with and putting my energy out for people that will not do the same for me. I believe in reciprocity. You are either with me or you’re not. No gray area. My rights as a human, are not debatable, I’m not asking you to see me as a human or to see why I’m fighting. I’m telling you to. I’m demanding that you do. Or don’t, just know that without us anything you touch… *Ceily hand*

If we want to make a change and do this Women’s Movement right, intersectionality and inclusivity must be at the forefront. We have to have the hard conversations. We have to put our ego’s to the side. We have to be willing to unlearn everything we’ve been taught, to make room for something new.

Have the conversation. Create the space for open dialogue, this is a grassroots movement. It takes everyone, but it takes everyone being sincere and ready for something that is actually different. Not the same old band-aid remedies we’ve been using. Some real and radical change, a rebellion from the norm.

It can be done. The conversations are happening. The age of the Divine Feminine is right now. We can do this. We just have to do it right. We can’t bring in a new age, operating in old age paradigms.

** In the meantime, Black women, we need to do our own healing. Don’t think for one second that I have all of these opinions and no plan of action. I got you, it’s why I’m called to do the work that I do. Mental health is vital. Emotional wellness is vital. Self Care is vital. We have generations of trauma stored in our DNA, its time to heal ourselves. We carry so much for so many, it’s time to start releasing what is not ours. We are the original woman. When we heal ourselves, we heal the world. **

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About Me

Hi guys, I don’t think I’ve properly introduced myself so I decided I would! I’m Liv! I originally started this blog as a journal of sorts. Over the years it has morphed into being a a space where I can share what I have learned throughout my life and the experiences therein. It is my intention for this blog to be a healing space. Here are a few facts about me:

I’m an Oklahoma native current Virginia resident

I have a Master of Arts in Counseling from the illustrious Hampton University

I’m an ENFP personality type (Myers Briggs)

Sagittarius Sun, Cancer Moon,  Pisces Rising

I’m deeply empathic and intuitive

I’ve been committed to my conscious journey since 2013

I’m heavily into the occult; astrology, alchemy, metaphysics, tarot, numerology, energy healing, candle magic, etc.

I collect crystals

Love is my religion

I love to cook and entertain (and I’m really good at it!)

I could watch Frasier every day for the rest of my life and not get tired of it

I’m super goofy and I crack myself up constantly

I have really amazing people in my tribe that I thank the universe for daily

the people in my life know they can come to me about anything without fear of judgment and that makes me really happy. I love being “muva”

I’m really into learning so I make it a point to learn something new daily (or at least weekly) and I love to read.

START

Start. It seems simple right? Not for me, the recovering perfectionist control freak that has been battling an internal fear or success for a few years now. Yes, a fear of success.

Until very recently, it was hard to see myself having success, without a looming fear of failure, or being seen as an imposter. I have struggled for years with “waiting for the other shoe to drop” and what I’ve found, is that my anticipation of that shoe dropping, caused it to fall many times. In retrospect though, they may not have fallen. I aided in pulling those shoes down. Self sabotage.

Self sabotage kept me from starting, and committing. Putting too much pressure on myself to be and do everything other than Just Being, kept me from starting. Not fully trusting myself, kept me from starting. Wanting all the perfect conditions, kept me from starting. Fear of making  mistakes, kept me from starting. Wanting to control the outcome, kept me from starting. Wanting to be on step 50 without taking steps 2-49, kept me from starting. Ultimately, I kept me from starting.

The ending of 2016, this past Mercury Retrograde cycle, and a beautiful reiki session facilitated by my best friend (fertilealchemy.com) showed me that the time is now to release the habit of self sabotage. It is time to relinquish the fear of my light beaming and shifting the energy in every space I occupy. No more time for playing small. It is time for me to step into my role not only as a healer, but as a teacher and an energetic leader.

I have to do it. I have to do it courageously. I have to do it when my inner critic is louder than everyone else, telling me I can’t do anything right. I have to do it even when its uncomfortable. I have to start even when I don’t see the path clearly. So, I’m doing it. This is my start.

2017 is a 1 year in numerology, it heralds the beginning of a fresh 9 year cycle. Around my birthday in December, I set some intentions for this year and dubbed it my Year of Creativity, meaning I create my life to be exactly what I want and need it to be. I am also opening up space for more creative expression outlets, like blogging. For my starting focus, I am rebuilding and reinforcing my self confidence, ensuring that it is real and deep and impenetrable by anyone or anything that is outside of me. I am loving myself deeper by honoring my truth unapologetically, telling my story without shame, and allowing myself to flow and choose without being attached to outcome. I have been on my self-healing journey faithfully since 2013. The focus of my work being loving myself into healing, parenting myself, and  nurturing myself. Its work that I will always do, no matter how dark it gets. I do not run from my shadow, I embrace her, we are one. In doing this work, I have shifted and released major karmic baggage. I’ve cancelled and revoked many karmic contracts that I agreed to consciously and unconsciously. This journey is a grass roots endeavor. I’ve been healing me one step at a time from the ground up. Figuring out what works and what doesn’t work. What I like and what I don’t like. Loving myself, having confidence in myself, and being able to be by myself were not automatic. These things took time, and patience, and meeting the same blocks at different levels from different perspectives. I never gave up. I never give up. Resilience is my saving grace.

Going through this alchemical energetic process has equipped me with  first hand experiences and knowledge that I feel will be beneficial for many as Gaia continues to ascend, because as she raises her vibration, we must raise our own. I take many of my cues from nature and believe in the saying “as above, so below” and currently (from about 1/8-2/6) all planets are stationed direct, moving forward. Like the planets, I too am moving forward. This space isn’t for me to tell you what to do. Its to tell you what I do, and to inspire you to take action in your own life. Whatever that looks like to you.

I’m from the school of “each one teach one” I plan to use this space to share what I’ve learned thus far, and what I continue to learn. I am ever evolving, changing and shifting as I see fit. I am not fixed, I am fluid, I am water. (literally more than half of my chart is water).  I’ll never tell you the work is easy. Getting to the bottom of, and shifting your unconscious beliefs, just isn’t. It can be done though. I’m doing it.