“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, “I used everything You gave me,”
This is my wish. This is why I’m fasting and trying to learn to meditate and BE STILL and listen. I want to not only harness my talents, but use my talents as a form of worship to glorify God. My awareness of Spirit is so heightened in this season of my life. (my season of change). The words I speak come true so I speak Life. Positive thoughts are the only thoughts I allow to enter my mind. Life and Death is in the power of the tongue. Death, literally and figuratively and I want no parts of death because The Creator allowed me to wake up this morning meaning my mission is not complete. I speak Life so that I can live every day to the fullest, and to get one step closer to completing my mission on Earth. I place no value on this Earthly life that is non essential to my Soul because Earth is not my home, it is temporary.
I came into 2013 with the strong conviction that my Love would manifest in the form of a romantic partner. The man that God created just for me, and me for him. I have the deepest feeling that I have met him. Despite this feeling, I had a talk with The Universe and I stated that I would rather be single than to try and force something with a man that was not created for me. Love, wherever you are, whether I’ve met you or not. I love you.
Without trying to sound cliché I am the girl people love to hate. People talk about me and spread rumors about me all while pretending to be my friend. This used to (until very recently… Like last week) really hurt my feelings. I’m a genuinely caring person and I love everyone, even those that are difficult to love. I pray for my enemies and those that wish ill against me. For the longest the thing that bothered me was that I felt targeted. I felt persecuted and the worst part is that the attacks were unwarranted. I spent my last semester of college battling ugly rumors and being made aware of the nasty things a few that I deemed friends had said about me. I just didn’t get it. I’m not rude, I’m not unapproachable, I’m generally friendly, I just for the life of me couldn’t understand why no one would feel the need to voice their opinions about me, to me. I could clear up any misconceptions or any uncertainty. After talking with some of my closest friends I realized. I was being very audacious in assuming that the hate was about me. In fact it isn’t about me at all, it’s about those that are talking and spreading and faking. Since a young age I’ve always caused those around me to be a bit uncomfortable. A good uncomfortable, an “I need to step my game up.” uncomfortable. Whether it be the way I was dressed or the way I behaved, I’ve always brought out people’s insecurities. I have an undeniable light that intimidates most. However, I’m not arrogant with it, in fact for so long, I’d dumb myself down or try my best not to stand out in a crowd. My last semester of college I vowed to never again dim my light for anyone. Oh boy, that’s when it got bad. There wasn’t a week that went by that I didn’t find out something I never knew about myself though the grapevine. Now I get it. People don’t hate me. They hate my light. They hate the uncomfortable feeling they get when I walk into a room, they hate the conviction they feel because they know they can do better so they pick and they lie and they talk. They talk because they do not know. They spread rumors because they think they know. They get upset because they wish they knew. I’m the girl people love to hate. It’s not me they hate though, it’s themselves.