wanting 

10/17/17 10:08p EST.

Today was weird, but October is always weird for me, so I just roll with it. I mentioned that because the day got so weird I needed a bath. I drew the bath, and intuitively filled it with goodness, using what I had on hand. I added himalayan pink salt, ashoka, rose hips, rosemary, lavender, clary sage, and bergamot. I lit some black cedar and a patchouli incense. I ran the water as hot as I could stand it, with the simple intention of relaxing and cleansing energetically. I also dropped in some clear quartz, moonstone, and hematite.  I sunk into the tub and I soaked. I didn’t try to ritualize it. I just let myself be.

& in that space I had a download. Something that I put in my journal but also felt compelled to share. (& I’m shook, because private)

“I had a download about wanting. Not that wanting is bad, not at all. Just that in wanting, like all things, there must be balance.

I can’t want want want because if everything is energy, and it is… I’ll keep wanting and not having because wanting is the energy I’m feeding.

So I will not judge myself for wanting. I will just want and move on. Not live in the want.

Growing up poor really makes this a recurring lesson for me. I’ve ALWAYS been in the energy of want and not have, but back then it was out of my control. That was the energy placed upon me at a time when I had no control over securing the have.

I’m an adult now. The have is on me and will be mine because I no longer live in want.

Growing up poor could have you in the other extreme too. Never wanting anything and therefore never having it. Either extreme, living in want or rejecting want, you still end up not having. So the key is balance.

Want and then move into the energy of the space between the want and the have. & be grateful every step of the way. Always with a heart of gratitude especially in the space in between. To be able to be grateful for things unseen makes you magnetic.”

*I’ll add to this that the space in between the want and the have can be on of the most transformative spaces one could be in.*

I love you like I love me

Liv

Advertisements

Emotional Wellness

Wow, its October 1, we’ve already entered the last three months of the year! I find this time to be imperative for observing and understanding emotions. In the cool dark of fall/winter, we are shown by nature, how to let go of what no longer serves us. How to come home to ourselves, and be fully present and aware so that we are able to cycle out of the last of what cannot enter the new year with us. With this in mind, I figured now was a great time to share my definition of Emotional Wellness as well as how practicing Emotional Wellness has impacted my life.

If you follow @livunconventional on Instagram you know that my bio simply states: emotional wellness advocate.

I won’t try to claim that I coined the term Emotional Wellness, but I do have my own self-curated definition of what Emotional Wellness means to me.

Emotional, obviously dealing with emotions the definition of emotions being “A natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one’s circumstances, mood, or relationships with others.” Not so obvious, the other things that cannot be separated from emotions, like self-awareness, emotional intelligence, empathy, effective communication, health, wealth, fertility, and so much more. Wellness by definition means “The state of being in good health, especially as an actively pursued goal.” Ding Ding, the keywords: actively pursued goal. Emotional Wellness is a practice! Wellness has become a booming industry and I love that people are beginning to realize the importance of; awareness (often called consciousness), balance, self-care, whole food diets, exercise, etc. It is my wish that this continues and begins to include Emotional Wellness. (I tend to use Emotional Wellness interchangeably with Mental Health Wellness) It is my ultimate goal to empower those that may be journeying with any level or variety of mental health struggles to know that with support, encouragement, and dedicated practice they can live a life that feels in balance.

It is my belief that Emotional Wellness is essential to an integrated and fulfilling existence. Emotions are energy in motion. I believe the path to true awareness flows in the direction of our emotions. When not handled properly, our emotions become stagnant and that stagnation causes what we perceive as troubles in our lives. These troubles can manifest mentally, physically, and spiritually.

What does it mean to be an Emotional Wellness advocate?

It means that I am dedicated to finding ways to participate in and promote Emotional Wellness as a concept and a lifestyle. I am an advocate for people taking responsibility for their emotional state by actively pursuing authenticity, emotional intelligence, and self-awareness. I am an advocate for people doing the work to unpack old habitual thoughts patterns and beliefs in an effort to replace them with new higher aligned and higher vibratory thoughts patterns and beliefs.

As an Emotional Wellness advocate, it is my divine mission to assist those that are willing and ready along the path of integration. I take an integrated approach to this work fusing spirituality, awareness, and evidenced-based practices in a palatable way. It is my highest intention to be a clear channel for Source energy to flow through as I create and hold space for those that need it.

“Emotions are a supercharged current capable of taking you anywhere you want to go.” *excerpt from the Oracle of E deck by Pam Grout “Live Wire” card
If you want to see where my emotions and my practice of emotional wellness have taken me, stay tuned for the rest of this month-long series where I will be sharing vulnerable pieces on how my emotional wellness practice has transformed my life.

If you believe in the work that I do/have done and are ready to book an Emotional Wellness Session where we connect and journey into this beautiful work, feel free to email me at livunconventional@gmail.com. I’d love to assist you on this journey.

You are Love and you are Loved

Peace & Light

Liv

 

Mind Control

While on your healing journey, you will find that as you level up and away from old narratives, people, places, etc. you may still act out the old. When you do the work and begin to lighten your load, there is a tendency to still feel the weight of the load you have just unburdened. Think, getting your arm amputated and still feeling your arm itch. No need to fret though the mind is trainable. Sometimes we do so much work so rapidly, our minds need time to catch up with our spirit.

In about September of last year, I set an intention to be aware of what no longer serves me, so I no longer play into a role I have outgrown. In doing this I began to become more conscious of my habitual thoughts, trying to make sure I wasn’t viewing new situations with old eyes.

I’d like to share an exercise that helps me reframe my thoughts. Sometimes I will have a thought that physically feels uncomfortable, when this happens it is usually an old thought and not reflective of the new space I am in, which is what causes the discomfort.  (I learned to identify the way thoughts make me feel physically by getting to know what being in alignment feels like versus being out of alignment, through meditation) When the uncomfortable thought occurs, I allow myself to explore the thought and take a look at it objectively,  I ask myself why the thought doesn’t feel good and what could change about it to make it more aligned with where I really am, versus where I have been or was used to being.

The following is an example of an inner dialogue I had with myself when I sat down to write this blog post.

*OT- Original Thought RT- Reframed Thought

The Issue:  Sometimes I don’t feel like writing. It can be daunting at times. Quite often I sit down with my laptop and begin typing, only to quickly shift my attention elsewhere. There are currently 5 different posts that I have started and yet to complete. Why is this?

OT: I think part of it is that my posts are so personal, I’m not sure I want to share so much of myself.  I judge myself pretty hard at times and because I do, I assume others are as well. With that, when it comes to telling my story, there are always parts I want to edit or leave out. I also have the huge desire to mention that I am in the process of “working on it” so my readers know that whatever it is, is being handled. I have a real nagging voice that tells me people are being overly critical of me.

RT:  I write to show my readers  that they can guide themselves through tough spots and come out more integrated than before. There is no need to hide myself from anyone. I know it is part of my purpose to share. I am a storyteller, a natural teacher, I am here to live this life, and share about it. Plus,  I have never personally received any backlash or harsh judgment for any of my posts and if I did it would not be a direct reflection of me as a being. No one is as critical of me as I can be, and I no longer have to feed that narrative. Note to self: Change my self-talk.

OT: Another part of it is that this is real and deep work I’m initiating. I believe that in order to live your highest life you must be well emotionally. I believe that the path to emotional wellness can only be walked by the individual, but there are those positioned to assist along the way.  Could I really be one of those assistants? Knowing the weight of the work, I often question if I’m even qualified to speak on these subjects. Am I really able to hold space for people to begin or continue their healing?

RT: You do the work. You have been doing the work since 2012. You are qualified just by existing in this time. Not only that, you have a masters in counseling, you not only have the first hand experience but the academic as well. You know that you know you are here to share and teach. Standing in your power frightens you when you view it from an outdated perspective. Also, no one thinks you’re a fraud except you. Note to self: Be more gentle with you.

The above was a brief example of how I talk myself through my uncomfortable thoughts. I do this for any thought that comes up that causes me discomfort. Sometimes, okay, all the time, I do this process out loud, even in public. Something about actually hearing myself say it in my voice helps it really stick. Especially since my voice is much different than the critical voice that seems to only speak out of fear. In doing this, I acknowledge what I’ve felt or thought up till this point, and I thank it for serving me at one point, and release it with love as it no longer serves me. That way, I’m not suppressing or denying the feelings from before, I am simply reminding myself that I am in a new space and I no longer have to play into the narrative from before.

I encourage you to try this if you’ve been having any nagging thoughts or if your inner critic is speaking really loud. Sometimes these thoughts and that critic get really loud to get our attention. Hope this helps!

You are Love & You are Loved

Liv

 

 

Temple

I have been at war with you for many years. I surrender.

Last month I got the overwhelming nudge to “Let Go.” I sat with the message for a second, curious about what I was being asked to release? Then, almost without conscious control, I began to apologize to my body and ask her to forgive me for hating her for so long. I asked her to forgive me for not understanding that she is a temple, and the soul that she houses is radiant, electric, unique, and incredible. For treating her as less than Holy. As I repented for my sins against her she whispered “finally” and in that moment I changed. I cycled out of one of the most persistent and consistent sources of worry, shame, and contempt I’ve held to this date: My relationship with my body. When I finished asking for forgiveness, I was able to thank her for never failing me.  No broken bones, no debilitating illnesses, no serious health issues, ever. She’s been here sturdy, resilient, and relentless since forever, despite more than a decade of disconnection.

I used the Ho’oponopono mantra: I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.

& I apologized.

to my breasts for always wishing they were a bit smaller and a lot firmer.

to my arms for being embarrassed by their softness and the extra jiggle

to my back for being worried about how many rolls were noticeable.

to my stomach especially my stomach because I hated that she was never flat. I held resentment against her for me never being comfortable enough to wear a bikini or a crop top. I loathed her because she’d been fluffy and rolly since 4th grade.

to my butt for beginning to hide her in the 7th grade when that boy yelled “Damn she got a fat ass!” every time he saw me in the hallway. And for that one time in college when I listened to that stupid boy that said tear drop shaped booties aren’t cute.

to my thighs because I’ve wished for a gap between them since I was in third grade.

to my knees because I was always embarrassed and a bit disgusted by the extra pockets of fat right next to them

to my calves for cursing them every fall and winter when I tried to squeeze them into a proper riding boot.

To my feet for always hating how wide they are and how fat and short my toes are.

to her entirely for unhealthily gaining weight, losing weight and restricting myself. For that time in elementary school when I tried bulimia for a month. For the time in junior high and high school when I snuck my mom’s diet pills. For taking personally every opinion someone else had about my body and for  wrapping my self-worth in her appearance. For still finding faults with her after committed and healthy diet and exercise that helped me surpass my goal weight. For being concerned that I was losing too much weight and wouldn’t be “thick” enough to be attractive. For comparing and contrasting her, always finding the comparison more appealing and suitable. For everything. Every wrong, every negative word, every negative thought.

I apologized.

Now I live my life in partnership with my body. I value her greatly, she is the Temple in which my soul resides. A reflection of my Divinity. I honor her. I have great respect for her.

There are times when I struggle, because old habits die hard, but I am consciously aware of the message I send my body, myself,  and those around me and I make an effort to correct any negative self-talk or thought that arises in relation to my body.  I no longer participate in body bashing with friends nor do I make light of the work that I’ve done to get to this point physically and emotionally.

I made the conscious choice to heal this relationship because I wanted to be able to model a positive healthy and deeply connected relationship with my body for my daughters, so they see the reverence I have for my temple, evidenced by how I feed her, move her, feel into her, speak to and about her, and who I allow to come into physical contact with her. For my sons, so they too will see the reverence I have for my temple and understand that they should seek to have the same for all women. For my husband so that I am sensual and receptive and so the physical love that we share is so deep and connected to All That Is that it creates universes. More than that, I made the conscious choice to heal this relationship for me. I was ready to appreciate the temple that houses my divinity. To love and adore the place that will be the first home to the beings that choose to incarnate through me. To give myself the gift of knowing me so intensely that no one can ever tell me shit about myself that I don’t already know or feel. To understand that I am my own home. So I never have to seek this feeling in anyone or anything else, to only accept this feeling or better should anyone or anything else come along.

It’s a beautiful feeling to finally be back home. I am safe here. I am secure here. Here I am provided for. Here I have 24/7 access to God because I am God. Connected. Sensual. Electric. Orgasmic. Sovereign. Powerful. Abundant. Receptive. Feminine. Divine. Grateful.

My home is a Temple. Wow.

Disappear

If you know me personally, you know I’m prone to retreating, often.
It’s something that I’ve grown to love about myself, but it’s also something that causes me to feel guilty when it comes to livunconventional. I feel guilty because I know consistency is key to building a brand and a follower base and I won’t pretend like it isn’t a goal of mine to do both.
The only thing about that is that it’s not authentic for livunconventional. I want my brand and tribe to grow organically, which still requires consistency.
I could force myself to pump out material at least 3x a week, I really could, but it wouldn’t be real and heart driven like the content I do produce.
I say all of this to explain my intermittent absences in a way that will hopefully create the space for those of you who ebb and flow in a similar way to embrace it and not feel guilty about it. I also want you to understand that this is my consistency.
I attribute my need for alone time to a few things, for one since 2013 alone time has been my saving grace. For two, my chart is more than half water. I have a Cancer moon and a Pisces rising so I’m naturally a homebody and easily able to live in the world that I’ve created within this 3D world. Having so much water in my chart makes me super intuitive and sensitive to energy. It also makes the depth of shadow work soul retrieval home for me. Going deep is my forte. I often have to check myself and make sure that my solitude is healthy and not destructive. I could easily build a permanent home in the dark, but life is about balance.
You know the idea of that “weirdo” that never leaves their home and rarely speaks? That could be me, and I’d be so fine with that, but I know that I incarnated in this time to connect, which is why I believe I was born with a Sagittarius sun, I needed that fiery boost to keep me from holing up off the grid on an island somewhere, forever.
Being so watery and sensitive also causes me to feel the effects of planetary shifts well in advance & because of that, I’ve been in all the feels since before the new moon in Leo on July 23 which ushered in the upcoming eclipse season. Mercury is also in its shadow period, set to station retrograde on August 12.
While I don’t plan to be off the map the entirety of the retrograde period, I will be honoring myself and my cycles and right now I’m in hermit mode.
As I’ve said before and will continue to say, livunconventional is an extension of me, she has her own energy, and I honor that.
The work that I’m doing is real, personal, and life changing, it would be irresponsible of me to bombard you with half baked blog posts for the sake of posting.
It’s my ultimate goal to have enough content to hold you when I disappear, because I will disappear.
When I disappear it’s for me. I have to always remind myself that I come first. In these times of retreat I’m receiving an influx of downloads and learning and living several lessons at once, and I must conserve my energy so that I am able to process it all. At the end of the day, I’m still human and when there are so many things being downloaded and released at the same time it can be completely exhausting, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. & on top of that, I still have to (choose to) participate in “regular life”.
I also find that in these periods I start several blog posts that may take a couple of weeks to fully develop.
Keep in mind that everything I share is something that I am actually experiencing and learning. I’m no master, I am a student. Consider me your tutor if you will, I teach you what I know based on my own experiences and personal knowledge, and from there I charge you to apply it in a way that fits you. Take what works, leave the rest.
Lately, I’ve been practicing surrender, and in doing so, I’m honoring this space I’m in, but also informing you, my tribe, that there are times that I will disappear, but know that it’s in the interest of the highest good of all involved. When you haven’t heard from me in a while, send a little (or a shit ton of) light my way, and know that I’m working, for me and for the collective. This work is bigger than me and I take it seriously.
So much gratitude to you for being here with me.

You are Love and You are Loved
Peace & Light
Liv

Journey Intentionally with Astrology

One day last year I realized that the French and Spanish words for the days of the week closely mirrored the names of the planetary rulers of each day. By no means am I an astrologer, but I am a believer in astrology, and a student if you will. I like to check my daily horoscope to see what’s going on in the ethers that could affect my day, week, etc. From there, I decided I should look up how each planet influences the day it rules energetically. In my quest for intentional conscious living, I figured being aware of the specific energy each day brings along with the influence of my personal natal chart could help me navigate each day easier. I’m all about going with the natural flow of things as to not create resistance. I thought I’d share what I found!

Here are the days of the week, and a little about their planetary rulers and how they could affect the energy of the given day.

Sunday. Domingo. Dimanche. Sun.
Sunday is ruled by the Sun and the Sun rules Leo.
The Sun reflects the present or the “here and now.”
“When we are acting out our Sun, we are purposeful, directed, proud, and creative. On the negative side, we can be haughty, overly willful, self-centered, and judgmental.”-cafeastrology.com

Sunday is a good day for getting prepared for the week with the Sun helping us to be purposeful and directed, take the time to sketch out or set intentions for how you would like to journey through the week.

Monday. Lunes. Lundi. Moon
Monday, ruled by the moon, the Moon ruling Cancer, the perfect day to unfurl like incense smoke.
“We can also think of the Moon as that which gives us animation. It rules rhythmic ebb and flow of activity and energy. The Moon is a mediator between the inner world and the outer world… The Moon is associated with the mother and with feminine energy in general. The Moon is both our inner child and our inner mother. It is responsive, receptive, and reflective. The Moon is our spontaneous and instinctual reactions.”  -cafeastrology.com

Mondays get it bad, probably because the hustle and bustle of daily life go against the nature of the day. Perhaps most people hate Mondays because the grind that we love so much isn’t aligned with the energy of the day? Even if you only have a few minutes to do so, slow down a bit, take advantage of the sensitive, intuitive, deeply emotional energy of this beautiful day.

Tuesday. Martes. Mardi. Mars.
Tuesday is ruled by Mars. Mars rules Aries & co-rules Scorpio.
“Mars is the push that gets us out of bed in the morning, our drive and desire nature, and our active energy. When we are “acting out” our Mars, we are assertive, directed, forthright, and adventurous. On the negative side, we can be impulsive, rash, impatient, aggressive, and forceful.” -cafeastrology.com
Keep this in mind as you journey through your day. Awareness can keep you from venturing to the negative side, or at least allow you to recognize you’re there and get back to the center rather quickly. With this energy. Tuesday is the perfect day to get sh*t done!

Wednesday. Miércoles. Mercredi. Mercury.
Wednesday is ruled by Mercury and Mercury rules Virgo & Gemini. Mercury is the planet of communication.
“Mercury analyzes, sorts, groups, and makes sense of things. How do we handle nervous energy? How do we express and convey our thoughts? How do we approach others and information in order to learn and exchange ideas?” -cafeastrology.com
Wednesday is a good day to have that conversation you’ve been avoiding or to reach out to that influencer you’ve been dying to collaborate with. With Mercury on your side, you’re likely to find just the right words and the perfect delivery to ensure you get your desired results. If you struggle with communication,  invest in lapis lazuli. “Lapis Lazuli is a stone of communication that can bring truthfulness, openness, and mental clarity.” -caligirlgems.com
I’ve personally been working with lapis for a couple of years now, and it’s one of my favorites. I’m someone that loves teaching and speaking to groups but I still get big time butterflies, so I bring it with me when I have public speaking events, interviews, etc. It helps me speak my truth no matter how nervous I may be. If you’re not into crystals, are unable to get some right now, or are in need of immediate assistance, use your own innate power and set the intention to have the energy of Mercury fuel your communication. May this day allow you to speak your truth clearly and assuredly.

Thursday. Jueves. Jeudi. Jupiter.
Thursday is ruled by Jupiter. Jupiter rules Sagittarius & co-rules Pisces.
Jupiter is the planet of expansion and abundance.

“In astrology, Jupiter is the planet of plenty. It is tolerant and expansive. The first of the social planets, Jupiter seeks insight through knowledge. Some of the planets keywords include morality, gratitude, hope, honor, and the law. Jupiter is a planet of broader purpose, reach, and possibility.” -cafeastrology.com
My Sun is in Sag, so I’m very familiar with Jupiter’s grand energy. A couple of my favorite aspects of Jupiter’s influence are the quest for higher knowledge, unwavering optimism, and love of travel. Is there something new you want to learn? Maybe you’ve been wanting to take a solo self-care trip? Thursday could be a good day to do those things, or at least put them into motion. If you’ve been feeling stalled in some of these areas don’t worry, Jupiter has been in retrograde, but stationed direct June 9, 2017! How can you use Jupiter’s energy to your benefit?

Friday. Viernes. Vendredi. Venus.
Friday is ruled by Venus & Venus rules both Taurus and Libra.
In astrology, Venus represents love and money. “Love and money is actually a simplistic interpretation of Venus: Venus rules out sentiments, what we value, and the pleasure we take in life. Grace, charm, and beauty are all ruled by Venus. Through Venus, we learn about our tastes, pleasures, artistic inclinations, and what makes us happy… We look to Venus in the natal chart to see how we approach relationships of the heart, as well as what gives us pleasure… We also turn to Venus to show how we spend our money, the types of gifts we buy, and how much we spend on leisure activities (not to mention the kinds of leisure activities we seek out)”-cafeastrology.com
We all love Friday amirite? Take a few moments to reflect on love this day. How you love, how you desire to be loved, and how you can incorporate love into all you do.
Since Venus is also about the moola, it’s also a good time to reflect on your relationship to money. How do you feel about money? Is the relationship strained or does it flow easily? Are there any ways you can improve your relationship with money? Are you afraid to admit that you love money? I know, I know, it’s frowned upon to say you love money, but be honest, you love it.

Saturday. Sábado. Samedi. Saturn.
Saturday is ruled by Saturn, Saturn rules Capricorn & co-rules Aquarius.

“In astrology, Saturn is associated with restriction and limitation. Where Jupiter expands, Saturn constricts. Although the themes of Saturn seem depressing, Saturn brings structure and meaning to our world. Saturn knows the limits of time and matter. Saturn reminds us of our boundaries, our responsibilities, and our commitments. It brings definition to our lives. Saturn makes us aware of our need for self-control and of our boundaries and our limits.”-cafeastrology.com Although, not typical of what you think of when you think of a Saturday, Saturn’s influence can help us get our sh*t together. Is there some dead weight you’ve been holding onto?  Let it go. Someone still in your circle that is bringing you nothing?  Kick them out. Maybe there are some boundaries that you need to define or redefine? Get to editing.

Much gratitude to cafeastrology.com, their site is full of amazing and useful information. Perfect for those that are practicing self-taught astrology. This site also offers a free natal chart reading, all you need is your exact birth time and the place you were born. The natal chart is the first step in understanding how astrology influences your life and it’s specific to you!

May you journey through your week intentionally.

You are Love & You are Loved

You Gon’ Get This Woo!

I used to struggle with showing all parts of me, and when I say used to, I mean like up till about two weeks ago. When I say all of me, I mean the me that’s woo woo as hell.

Finally, I said “BUMP THAT! YALL GON GET THIS WOO!”  I never had a problem being me on livunconventional because it was a brand, not necessarily ME. Right? Nah! I realized a long time ago that my brand IS ME. This brand is personal af. I AM Liv and I AM Unconventional. I was trying too hard to separate the two out of fear of Liv being rejected. Rejection has been a big one for me in my journey, I’m so grateful that I am now at a place where I can be impervious to it.

So I started posting my tarot pulls, crystals, tidbits about meditation, and what I believe about God on my personal Instagram page. Guess what? I’ve been steadily losing followers and I’m totally not dead or hurt because of it! I know that it is not a reflection of me as a soul or as a being incarnated on this plane at this time. It is a reflection of the other person and their perspective. I cannot and do not fault anyone for their worldview. I am also not responsible for how they perceive me because of it.

I know that sometimes seeing others be 100% themselves, even if they are being themselves doing something you’d never do, can spark insecurity if you feel like you can’t or aren’t being 100% yourself. I wish those that are still looking, or that have yet to start, the most love, they need it. I was there, for a long time. I would see people living in their truth and light and begin to feel envy and shame for not living my own.

I realized I was the only one stopping me from doing the same for myself. Me and my concern about what others would think. I let that go, and the amount of love and acceptance I’ve been shown, just from loving and accepting myself has been more than I could have ever conceived.

I understand that overcoming the people pleasing condition is not easy, it’s taken me at least three years of lots of digging and releasing to be comfortable enough with myself to do it. However, it can be done. & it can only be done if you start today. Start now. Start small. Start big. JUST START.

I want y’all to know that stepping fully into my light and showcasing all parts of me to the world, not just my livunconventional tribe, has really amped my life up in a major way.

Shining authentically and fearlessly, no matter what that looks like for you, is the key to leveling up. When you show the Universe that you are proud of you, and you Love you, you attract more Love into your life. & Love is all there is. Love is all you need. God is Love, therefore YOU are Love. So when you’re on a Love frequency and you move the way Love makes you move, you’re embodying the God in you. You’re making God moves.

When you make God moves miracles happen. (and I was in desperate need of some miracles.) Now miracles are all I expect and all I will accept.  I mean, how can I accept less knowing I am God?

So this has been like my coming out. I’m not hiding no mo! I am no longer afraid of how others will receive or perceive me because another’s opinion of me has more to do with them than me. I know my intentions are for the greatest good of all & that my heart is pure.

So allow me to properly introduce myself:

I’m Liv, I’m woo woo as fuck. I like to cuss. If I (or someone else) has a physical ailment I look up natural remedies as well as the metaphysical/energetic cause, because we gotta heal the root not treat the symptoms. My life is synchronistic as fizzuck. I like to use Pootie Tang slang in real life conversations. I can be hella petty. I’ll go left on your ass if I have to. I don’t fuck with spiritual bypass, you can’t love and light yourself out of doing the work. I embrace my shadow. I don’t cower (long) from the dark part of the work. I read energy very well. I’ve always had a very strong intuition, and I’m finally allowing it to be the gift that it is. I communicate with Spirit daily. I love tarot, astrology, crystals, sage, quantum physics, meditation, yoga, tai chi, reiki, psychic readings etc. As I communicate with you I am able to hear what you’re saying with my ears and feel what you’re REALLY saying with my heart. I read everyone, and it’s not something that I do on purpose, nor is it judgmental. I feel very deeply and I feel everything. I can feel my emotions physically. My imagination is top notch, I never stopped playing pretend. I am fiercely protective of those I love. I am extremely satisfied with my own company. I see through the veil, and it’s happening more often now that I don’t deny that aspect of myself. If I’m close enough to you (connection wise) I can pick up on things from you telepathically. (My best friend and I will spend hours together in silence and it’s like we’ve been having a full conversation, which makes our long distance relationship a lot easier because we are always with one another.) I love hard and I love deep, real deep… and now that I love myself that hard and deep, it doesn’t feel like a curse. I care for others the way I care for myself. I want for others ONLY what they want for themselves. I have FINALLY mastered the art of letting people go. Now that I am no longer deathly afraid of rejection, I don’t hold on to stagnant relationships out of fear that the other will feel rejected. I survived a childhood of emotional & verbal abuse. I survived poverty. I will NEVER tell you to do something I myself have never done. Although I am a future counselor I do not always agree with diagnosing young children. My purpose on this planet is to help people help themselves.

I could go on, but I’ll stop there. Here I am. This is me. & like it or not…

YOU GON’ GET THIS WOO!

You are Love, and You are Loved,

Liv

 

 

The Hump

One day last week I was feeling… everything. So I decided to take a cleansing bath. I infused the bathwater with Florida Water, pink salt, baking soda, lavender, frankincense essential oil, and rose geranium essential oil. I lit some candles and an incense, put Badu on shuffle, and set intentions for the bath before lowering myself in.

Once in I just sat. I had no idea what was troubling me, but I figured the bath would help, and if not able to work on its own, the Badu would definitely add the extra kick for me to be able to identify and then unpack whatever it was that had me feeling all the feels.

I was right, Badu came through for me. She always does.

As I lay in the tub, I hear Track No. 9 on New Amerykah Pt.1 (4th World War), That Hump. 

The lyrics spoke directly to what I was feeling at the time. Especially “Lord knows I’m trying”

Yes, this is another post about the transition space that I’m in. Y’all. It’s real outchea, lol.

While the song was playing I visualized the space I’m currently in as the hump. In my visualization, I was able to see the hump and myself in relation to the hump. I was at the top of it.

It’s almost time for me to get over this hump.

On one hand, I’m scared shitless and I find that I’ve been stalling in small almost unnoticeable ways. What it ultimately comes down to is that I’m having a hard time letting go. Letting go tends to be a bit of a struggle for me when it comes to places and people. I think it’s a comfort thing. I appreciate comfort in a space and with a person so much that when it’s established, I want it to last forever. Thanks, Cancer Moon. This has been the most amazing, magical, and transformative three years of my life. I accomplished EVERYTHING I set out to do.  I evolved into the best and most authentic version of me that I have ever been. I have so much love and adoration for this place. It’s home. It always felt like home. I never had to adjust, I just fit. I have so much love and adoration for who I’ve become in this place. In a way, Hampton has been a womb.

On the other hand, I know it’s time to go. The comfort isn’t that comfortable anymore. I  feel the womb closing in on me. Or rather, I feel me outgrowing the womb (perspective). I’m too big for this space now.  I’m learning the last bit of lessons from this cycle because my new cycle will bring a whole new set of lessons (most of which will be extensions of the present lessons, because this life thing is cumulative). The contractions have started. I don’t have much longer before I’m on the other side.

I’m excited to see what I will create on this leg of the journey.

You are Love & You are Loved

Peace & Light,

-Liv

Ramblings: Social Media Fast

4.20.17

**Sometimes I just want to free write. I don’t want to sit down and piece together a concise well-written post. In honoring that, I’ll be doing a new thing “Ramblings” if the title has “Ramblings” in it is most likely a free written stream of consciousness situation.**

I was originally calling my fast a digital detox, but I realized that wasn’t fully accurate because I still watch Netflix, used my phone, and laptop etc. I do, however, avoid all social media with two exceptions, GroupMe and Facebook. I stayed tuned into both out of previous obligations.

I want to tell you what I have experienced thus far in my time away from social media.

For like the first week I instinctively woke up and went to Instagram or Snapchat and had to hurry and close the app. I was like wow, addicted much? Then I realized I started substituting other apps for my normal social media. I was on Pinterest and catching up on blogs here on WordPress. I was trying to find some way to have my phone in my hand. The addiction is so real. Once I realized that I was abusing Pinterest I put it in the little cluster with my other social media apps that I named MRx fast. Then I got on here to type this.

For the past couple of days, I have been incorporating reading into my schedule, instead of social media’ing. I am currently reading this incredible book The Complete Conversations with God: An Uncommon Dialogue books 1-3 by Neale Donald Walsche. I’ll write a separate piece about the book. I’ve also been meditating more and really sitting with myself. I’ve been getting quiet enough to be led to the information that I most need. My life these past couple of days has been nothing short of synchronistic. I kinda just let go of the reigns and let the universe step in, using my feelings as a guide for what’s the next best move. I’ve really kind of shut my mind down and turned my feelings up. It’s new so I’ll have more on it later. I have to share the wealth. When I come up on something like this, I can’t just sit on it. I have to tell about it just in case it helps someone else. I will also be posting about the other side of transition soon. I am still very much in the transition period, and as much as I had realized and learned by the time I wrote Transition, I have learned four times more since then. I will always be updating on the things I know. I am endlessly creating myself and my life and as that happens I must edit and rearrange, and learn and grow. I am fluid, not static and as an extension of me, so is this blog. I’ve finally learned to be okay with that.

This space will be ever growing and ever evolving, I change from piece to piece. I like to look at the most recent post in comparison to the oldest, and see the change. The evolution is tangible. This is the work. Being self-aware, realizing the thoughts habits patterns ideas dreams fears, whatever no longer serves me, and being brave enough to put them down and choose up. I will never allude to this being easy, but I will tell you that it is done with consistency and dedication, and in that way, it does get easier. In that way, I edit my life, little by little and it changes accordingly.

My purpose is in life is to be a living example of the magnificence of The Divine. I cannot save anyone. I cannot heal anyone. I can demonstrate how I saved myself. I can demonstrate how I healed myself. I can hold space for you to save yourself. I can hold space for you to heal yourself. Only you can save yourself. Only you can heal yourself. No one or nothing outside of you can do the work for you. Not Jesus, not your favorite energy healer, not your pastor, not your family, not your spouse, not anyone that is not you.

Don’t get me wrong, these people can be examples, they can show you things and from there you get to decide if it fits, and feels right or not. That’s actually the best way to start practicing self-awareness and begin to edit your life. Look to others see what they have to offer, it’ll feel right or it won’t. Don’t focus on what feels off, take what feels right and keep it pushing. Don’t get stuck here though. Now you need to sit with yourself and see why it feels right? Why? and keep sitting with yourself and keep allowing yourself to experiment and see what feels right and what feels off and dig in and learn you. Observe you, observe others. When you observe yourself, do you see you? Or do you see your mom, your grandmother, your pastor? Are you being authentic? Have you dropped what others expect of you? In my experience, this unfolding has not been easy and at times it is very frightening and unnerving. Having to start all over from scratch. ditching the very principles I’d held on to for most of my life. Some I took on from others some I created based off what I had taken from others. Not much of it authentically me. The work is rewarding though. I found that once I tuned into my authentic vibration, recognizing foreign voices, and energy got easier.  Now I get to be like “hey, that doesn’t feel like me. That didn’t sound like me.” and then I release it, and call it out every time it comes up. I try not to judge it or myself. Bring it to the light and it’ll go away. To really clean it out, really get the conditioning gone, acknowledge it. Embrace it. its part of me and it served me up to a certain point. It is what it is. To run from that, to suppress that, to ignore it, would allow it to grow and continue to rule me. I wouldn’t even know because I’ve told myself it doesn’t exist. But it does.

Shadow work is an essential part of healing. The dark MUST be faced and integrated. The dark is the light and the light is the dark, these things exist in the same space, they are not mutually exclusive. Once I came to terms with that, I accelerated my healing and you can too. You can stop being ashamed of your dark parts and begin to reintegrate them into your being. They are parts of you that need attention and need healing. You cannot heal what you do not acknowledge. I adore my shadow (ego), I practice loving her gently. Sometimes though, I’m not gentle, sometimes I am ashamed and I try to ignore her. Sometimes I beat myself up about her and why she even has to exist. Once I allow myself to feel those feelings, I look at her and I kind of smile, because she is me. She has served me to this point. I send her loving words. I remind her that we are one, I tell her that I do not want to do away with her. I want to love her, I want to be friends with her.

She and I have gotten really close during this social media fast. (wow, way to go all around the world to make a point huh?) I feel very strongly with this social media break, and my recent divorce from refined sugar, that I am at the point of no return. She and I have merged, now we are building our relationship, strengthening it, showing one we can trust the other.

Transition 

 

“Everything is new. Foreign, but familiar. I no longer have a basis of which to perceive things. I’m building from scratch. The only old truth I can lean on, is that I’ll be okay. I am always okay.” (journal entry, 3/28/17 1:35 am)

I’ve been wanting to put these thoughts into blog form for weeks now. Since before my last post, really. I just couldn’t find the words or the time. Tonight, I seem to have both. Journey with me?

I have been in a state of transition since about December 2016. I am preparing to walk across the stage and move 20+ hours away from my home of the last three years, in May. In the meantime, I’m wrapping up other loose ends and finding out who and what will make it through the transition with me.

Transition is usually not an easy time for me. It goes against all of my control freak habits. In transition I am faced with the truth, I am in control of nothing. Well, I am in control of a couple things, my perception and my response.

Other than those things, I realize that this is the place Osho describes as No-Thingness. Often called The Void. A dark place. Intimidating and scary at first glance, beautiful and full of infinite potential upon the second. It is the darkness of the womb. This is the place that births the galaxies. This is the place where Source resides.

If you’ve read The Other Side of Sunday, you know that I am no stranger to this place.

This time is different, though. Way different.

I am in a different place emotionally, spiritually, and cognitively. My level of awareness and understanding has increased tremendously. Because of the work I’ve done and continue to do, I am left in this space with not much to hold on to.

I cannot look at situations from the past as a comfort for what is to come, all of the things I did and believed before, I no longer do or believe, (or am actively working through those habitual behaviors and beliefs.) All I can do is take solace in the fact that I always end up better than before. I am always okay. I never backtrack, I always choose up, even when it’s not obvious at the time.

2017 has been like a restart of my life. It’s been like waking up for a second time, but this time it’s more real, and more authentic. I’m not clinging to what others deem, spiritual or best practice for conscious living. I’m not reading a bunch of books or looking for a guru.I am creating my life on my terms. Step by step, day by day. Leaning on my intuition and fearlessly following my feelings of what is best for me, according to me.  I am my own guru.

This has not been easy. Not in this space of transition. Not while still having to “daily life” in the meantime. Not while battling the inner voice telling me I don’t know best and warning me not to make a mistake that will wreak havoc in my life. Not while still falling prey to the comparison game. Not while still fighting the urge to seek confirmation from sources I view as more credible than I.

Despite it’s perceived difficulty, it has truly been the most rewarding journey I have ever embarked on. It’s testing my resolve. It’s testing my faith. It’s testing my confidence. It’s making me unpack everything I thought to be true. It’s giving a microphone to those negative inner voices that have been with me since childhood but do not belong to me so that I can clearly distinguish them from my own. It’s making me slow down while simultaneously having to make quick decisions. It’s shaking me to my core, ridding me of all things that cannot leave this period of transition and enter into my new cycle.

There have been so many long-held beliefs and ideas that have been stripped, some I let go on my own, some have been removed forcefully. So many times I’ve cried for what seems like no reason, only to later find out it was a clearing of space. So many times I’ve looked around and mistaken this beautiful place of pure potential for stagnation. I learn so much every day. Every. Day. It’s exhausting and exhilarating.

This transition is transformative.

When this time comes to end, and my new cycle begins, I’ll look back on this time with great reverence. For myself, for the people in my life, for the lessons, the tests, the triumphs, and everything in between. I’ll be grateful that this time has taught me that life is what you perceive. Life is how you respond to those perceptions.

To those in a time of transition, I advise you to be present, feel it all, don’t run away from the unknown, run into it, eyes and heart wide open. Will it be terrifying? No doubt. Will it be worth it? You better believe it.