Heartbreak. A tangible hurt that you can literally feel in your heart. Or at least that’s the case for me.
Here’s a beam of light, this pain has the potential to serve as the catalyst for life changing, healing, evolution. I’m talking “New Dimension, who dis?” evolution.
Let me pause here and say that this does not have to be the route for everyone. If this does not resonate with you, you may stop here. I encourage you to read everything (literally everything) with an open and discerning heart. If it feels true for you, explore it. If it doesn’t, do not. You are the expert on your life, I am merely sharing what I have learned through the subject I am the expert on, my life.
Heartbreak can manifest in a number of ways. It doesn’t have to be romantic. Your heart can be broken way before you even start dating.
A little about me, I am a recovered(ing) people pleaser. This can be attributed to being a sensitive (Cancer Moon) and intuitive (Pisces Rising) child growing up in a home with a mother that refused to show emotion and affection. I’m talking, I can count the number of times I’ve seen her cry and gotten a hug from her, on the same hand. I am 27 years old. I learned quickly how to do whatever it took to receive some sort of affection or positive attention from my mother. My father broke my heart, and a million promises, very early on. I coped by expecting nothing and giving everything. I did this because although I didn’t expect love, I still held out hope for it. I also never wanted anyone else to experience the rejection I had. Consequently, these experiences led me to do the same with everyone in my life including family, friends, and boyfriends.
Whether it were a legit, “we go together”, (like you asked me to be your girlfriend), situation or a “hey I like you a lot and I like that you kinda do girlfriend things with and for me, but I don’t want a girlfriend, but keep feeding me emotionally and I’ll keep being just nice enough to keep you confused but erring on the this can work side”, (because I know you’ll stay around and work for it), situationship. I was ready to, and I often did become whatever he wanted me to be. Gift and curse of the Pisces rising, I can shape-shift into whatever YOU think I am, regardless of who I really am.
*Thank God for astrology and the mastery of this ability that is now used to my advantage as I consciously shape-shift into the best version of me*
I would morph, and become the girl of their dreams, but only long enough to be sucked dry, and cast aside. I wasn’t being real. Since I wasn’t being real, all my shit broke.
What was real though? My love, my devotion, my empathy, my compassion, most bomb pussy. That was, and still is, real. I gave it because I wanted it in return. That didn’t happen though. Giving it to them wasn’t enough to get it returned. It was never going to be enough because I didn’t really believe I was enough. Growing up feeling perpetually rejected, how could I? I was a good pretender though. My sun is in Sagittarius, I am a hopeful optimist. I lived by the code fake it til you make it. Outside looking in you would have never known I struggled with low self-worth. I know better now. Don’t ever fake it, be authentic and you WILL make it.
When you experience heartbreak, you can tend to shut down and close yourself off, or leap at the chance to give love, in hopes that it will be returned. I did both. By the time I was in undergrad, I had compartmentalized the heartbreak from my parents in a such a way that I had completely disconnected from them. There was no way to learn from this heartbreak, I ignored it too hard. So how did I learn? Men.
*It may look different for you. You may cling to friends, or seek to help others the way you wish people would help you. You know what your thing is.*
Men were my kryptonite . Much of the love, compassion, time, and care that I was giving to the men I dated, I had neglected to give myself.
No one told me that in order to attract the love I desire I must first embody the qualities that I seek. No one told me that in order to truly love someone else, I must first love myself. No one told me that you don’t go into a relationship seeking to become whole, you go in as a whole and so does your partner. No one told me that suppressing my feelings of inferiority, low self-worth, fear of rejection, etc. in an effort to fake being okay, would cause me to attract emotionally unavailable energy vampires, not only in romantic relationships but platonic as well.
When you are in the state of giving more than you are receiving or giving more than you are equipped to give, the universe will do whatever it takes to get you to realize that there is an imbalance that is causing your energy to be in a deficit. Whether you realize it yet or not, there is a great calling on your life, you honestly would not have incarnated at this time in history if there wasn’t. In order to realize and fulfill this Divine Calling, you must be full. Your energy cannot be in a deficit.
This is why all of the conscious community calls you to “let go” “self-care” “self-love” “vibrate higher” etc. These are all surefire ways to replenish your energy.
When I say energy I do not mean physical energy, although, that too tends to increase by osmosis. I mean your soul energy, the energy that still exists when the lease is up on that body you rented. When you give all of yourself to others and do not take the time to replenish (give back to you) your energy becomes scattered and fragmented.
Conversely, when you begin to pour into yourself via meditation, therapy, energy healing, self-care, self-reflection, self-love, etc. you begin to fill that deficit. Once you are full then and only then can you give from a pure space, without depleting yourself. You can give with no ulterior motive of getting something because you lack nothing.
Not only do you lack nothing, but YOU gave yourself all that you need, so the only way that can be destroyed is if you destroy it yourself. No more heartbreak at the hands of others!
I liken this to the three little pigs. When you pretend everything is okay, and dismiss or ignore the pain you have been holding, you are building your home (yourself) out of straw and twigs. This home (you) is easily destroyed by the big bad wolf (outside influences). When you get sick and tired of perpetuating the cycle of heartbreak and begin to pour into yourself you take on the role of the third little pig that took his time building a brick home. A home the big bad wolf could never destroy.
It is through the process of healing and building you brick by brick that you begin to remember your purpose. In this process, you begin to hear the Divine Calling on your life. It is in this process that you gain the courage to answer that calling.
Once you begin to operate in the flow of your Divine Calling, life becomes easier. There are still rough patches, don’t get me wrong, but your heart will remain intact. With your heart intact you can do anything. You can make it through anything. You can overcome anything. You can start to attract all of the things. Things that are in direct alignment with your highest good and the highest good of all involved.
So, if you, like me, have experienced a series of heartbreak in your life, do not fret. Stop running. Stop hiding. Stop pretending. Get real, and get still. Tune-in to you. Meditate. Sing. Cry. Dance. Get out in nature. Spend plenty of time alone. Do whatever it takes. Work relentlessly to build an indestructible you. You deserve you. You deserve as much of you as you give everyone else. You owe it to yourself to do the work that will allow you to begin to align with and attract people that will take care of your heart.
Don’t let heartbreak harden you, let it motivate you to do the work to heal. The work is not quick. The work is not easy. The work does not look the same for everyone. The work, however, does work. It does change you from the inside out. The work puts your fragmented pieces back together. The work fills you up. The work helps you realize you are whole. The work brings you back to you. It’s time to heal.
You are Love & You are Loved,
Peace & Light,