**Sometimes I just want to free write. I don’t want to sit down and piece together a concise well-written post. In honoring that, I’ll be doing a new thing “Ramblings” if the title has “Ramblings” in it is most likely a free written stream of consciousness situation.**
I was originally calling my fast a digital detox, but I realized that wasn’t fully accurate because I still watch Netflix, used my phone, and laptop etc. I do, however, avoid all social media with two exceptions, GroupMe and Facebook. I stayed tuned into both out of previous obligations.
I want to tell you what I have experienced thus far in my time away from social media.
For like the first week I instinctively woke up and went to Instagram or Snapchat and had to hurry and close the app. I was like wow, addicted much? Then I realized I started substituting other apps for my normal social media. I was on Pinterest and catching up on blogs here on WordPress. I was trying to find some way to have my phone in my hand. The addiction is so real. Once I realized that I was abusing Pinterest I put it in the little cluster with my other social media apps that I named MRx fast. Then I got on here to type this.
For the past couple of days, I have been incorporating reading into my schedule, instead of social media’ing. I am currently reading this incredible book The Complete Conversations with God: An Uncommon Dialogue books 1-3 by Neale Donald Walsche. I’ll write a separate piece about the book. I’ve also been meditating more and really sitting with myself. I’ve been getting quiet enough to be led to the information that I most need. My life these past couple of days has been nothing short of synchronistic. I kinda just let go of the reigns and let the universe step in, using my feelings as a guide for what’s the next best move. I’ve really kind of shut my mind down and turned my feelings up. It’s new so I’ll have more on it later. I have to share the wealth. When I come up on something like this, I can’t just sit on it. I have to tell about it just in case it helps someone else. I will also be posting about the other side of transition soon. I am still very much in the transition period, and as much as I had realized and learned by the time I wrote Transition, I have learned four times more since then. I will always be updating on the things I know. I am endlessly creating myself and my life and as that happens I must edit and rearrange, and learn and grow. I am fluid, not static and as an extension of me, so is this blog. I’ve finally learned to be okay with that.
This space will be ever growing and ever evolving, I change from piece to piece. I like to look at the most recent post in comparison to the oldest, and see the change. The evolution is tangible. This is the work. Being self-aware, realizing the thoughts habits patterns ideas dreams fears, whatever no longer serves me, and being brave enough to put them down and choose up. I will never allude to this being easy, but I will tell you that it is done with consistency and dedication, and in that way, it does get easier. In that way, I edit my life, little by little and it changes accordingly.
My purpose is in life is to be a living example of the magnificence of The Divine. I cannot save anyone. I cannot heal anyone. I can demonstrate how I saved myself. I can demonstrate how I healed myself. I can hold space for you to save yourself. I can hold space for you to heal yourself. Only you can save yourself. Only you can heal yourself. No one or nothing outside of you can do the work for you. Not Jesus, not your favorite energy healer, not your pastor, not your family, not your spouse, not anyone that is not you.
Don’t get me wrong, these people can be examples, they can show you things and from there you get to decide if it fits, and feels right or not. That’s actually the best way to start practicing self-awareness and begin to edit your life. Look to others see what they have to offer, it’ll feel right or it won’t. Don’t focus on what feels off, take what feels right and keep it pushing. Don’t get stuck here though. Now you need to sit with yourself and see why it feels right? Why? and keep sitting with yourself and keep allowing yourself to experiment and see what feels right and what feels off and dig in and learn you. Observe you, observe others. When you observe yourself, do you see you? Or do you see your mom, your grandmother, your pastor? Are you being authentic? Have you dropped what others expect of you? In my experience, this unfolding has not been easy and at times it is very frightening and unnerving. Having to start all over from scratch. ditching the very principles I’d held on to for most of my life. Some I took on from others some I created based off what I had taken from others. Not much of it authentically me. The work is rewarding though. I found that once I tuned into my authentic vibration, recognizing foreign voices, and energy got easier. Now I get to be like “hey, that doesn’t feel like me. That didn’t sound like me.” and then I release it, and call it out every time it comes up. I try not to judge it or myself. Bring it to the light and it’ll go away. To really clean it out, really get the conditioning gone, acknowledge it. Embrace it. its part of me and it served me up to a certain point. It is what it is. To run from that, to suppress that, to ignore it, would allow it to grow and continue to rule me. I wouldn’t even know because I’ve told myself it doesn’t exist. But it does.
Shadow work is an essential part of healing. The dark MUST be faced and integrated. The dark is the light and the light is the dark, these things exist in the same space, they are not mutually exclusive. Once I came to terms with that, I accelerated my healing and you can too. You can stop being ashamed of your dark parts and begin to reintegrate them into your being. They are parts of you that need attention and need healing. You cannot heal what you do not acknowledge. I adore my shadow (ego), I practice loving her gently. Sometimes though, I’m not gentle, sometimes I am ashamed and I try to ignore her. Sometimes I beat myself up about her and why she even has to exist. Once I allow myself to feel those feelings, I look at her and I kind of smile, because she is me. She has served me to this point. I send her loving words. I remind her that we are one, I tell her that I do not want to do away with her. I want to love her, I want to be friends with her.
She and I have gotten really close during this social media fast. (wow, way to go all around the world to make a point huh?) I feel very strongly with this social media break, and my recent divorce from refined sugar, that I am at the point of no return. She and I have merged, now we are building our relationship, strengthening it, showing one we can trust the other.