The Other Side of Sunday

“Security is of the world; insecurity is of the Divine.”

I am sitting on my cousins’ couch. AKA my home off and on for the past four months, and I am mentally warring with myself about my next step.
It is Saturday afternoon, and Monday evening I will be packing my car and heading 21 hours across the country to Hampton Virginia to pursue a masters degree at Hampton University.
If you’ve known me any time between 2008 and now, you know that besides joining my sorority, this is one of my biggest dreams come true.
Yet I sit here stuck.
Stuck on this couch, in my familiar yet uncomfortable little cocoon, in tears. Endlessly streaming tears.
For a while this morning I couldn’t distinguish between reality and dreamland as I heard my inner self all but cursing me out for not being more excited about something I’ve wanted for so long. As I started to doubt whether or not this was really my “inner voice” the voice flipped.
It no longer felt like me reassuring myself that things were okay it seemed to become the voice of God. The Creator. The Universe. I say this because there was no more “I” talk, someone was talking to me, through me. Telling me to trust it.
I came out of this state that I can only describe as meditative, and immediately picked up my phone to text my best friend. She is my rock. There is a special place in The Universe for people like my best friend. Her light and her Love is so radiant.
I told her I felt scared and she simply asked “Why?” I replied that it was because I didn’t know what I did to deserve this opportunity, or why I was chosen to live this life alone and not be joined by my sisters or parents. Why were our choices so different? It made me ready for the other shoe to drop. Could life really be this great?
What she told me resounded in the deepest part of my soul.

“Drop the me and the I. You’re no different than any of them. You all have the same roots. The ego is what’s causing separation and arising fear within you. It’s making you believe you have something to fear because you’re different yet the same and at any moment the things that make you different from them (degree, strength, courage) could be snatched away from you and make you the same. Stop focusing on the differences and instead focus on how you can make them better. Ego will be your fall, it’s very very tricky how it works. You have to be very careful about being able to discern between ego and REAL self and intuition. The difference is that self and intuition will never evoke fear, but ego always will.”

When I read that something stirred up inside me and I felt free. Not to mention, at the same time she was typing that I decided to consult one of my favorite books right now, Fear by Osho, where I ran across a chapter about insecurity, because at that moment I was feeling very insecure about everything. At the very end of the chapter was this line.

“Security is of the world; insecurity is of the Divine.”

Both messages made me realize, I’ve got to stop searching for security and just live. I cannot separate myself from the world as long as I depend on worldly things to offer me security. I can only rest assured that the The Creator and The Universe will provide no matter what.
My Soul is free.



3 thoughts on “The Other Side of Sunday

  1. Words can’t even express how much I needed to read this! *in tears* I will also be heading to the D|M|V & I’m a nervous wreck! Thank you for you words…so encouraging! So glad I creeped on you! Lol I couldn’t figure out how to follow you on this twitter app 😩.

  2. Pingback: Transition  | livunconventional

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s